Soap Box

Lately, I have been making an effort to read other blogs and after careful review, I have come to the conclusion that I may not be blogging correctly.  I think I write-write long posts about one subject as opposed to a random review of the latest and greatest current events. 

My problem situation is that I am fairly disconnected from most all of what’s going on.  I don’t care to write about current events because nothing is all that interesting to me.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have my head in the sand (or up my ass) when it comes to the major events of the world.  I read a lot of periodicals and have high speed Internet which keeps me pretty well informed.  I just don’t like to saturate myself with news–especially if it’s on the TV. 

News is, for the most part, very important to me but the media always milks the fuck out of the latest headline to the point of, well, fear.  Today’s news is all about scaring the shit out of you.  Case in point: MRSA.  Ever since that story has hit the forefront, I’ve noticed our teeny-tiny grocery store in Bisbee now has complimentary sanitary wipes for the shopping cart handle. 

Shopping at Safeway in Bisbee is deadly.  Film at 11.

I like to read my news thank you very much.  That way, it’s delivered to my psyche in my own voice and not sensationalized by some ratings monger with big hair. 

Yes, MRSA is everywhere but it’s been everywhere for a very long time.  If we let our kids eat dirt like I did back in the day,  we wouldn’t have turned ourselves into the boy in the plastic bubble.  Oh, and this just in: antibiotics don’t kill viruses so taking them when you have a cold doesn’t do anything except perpetuate drug resistant diseases and, in my case, make you constipated.

By golly, I think I’m ranting.

This is good!  People rant on their blogs.  OK, I’m going to rant.  Why not?  I think it’s time for a list!

THINGS THAT BUG THE CRAP OUT OF ME

Politicians:
Politicians are all supreme assholes who are more interested in the photo op than serving their constituents.  If they are cool now, they will eventually turn into an asshole.  I tend to vote for the least assholy one unless it’s voting against Bush in which case, I would vote for a lima bean.

Television:
When I tell someone I don’t have TV reception, they launch into what happened on the last episode of Lost–as if I need to know.  What’s worse than watching a dumb TV show episode?  Having someone describe it to you in great detail.  Yes, it’s hard to believe, I don’t have TV on purpose.

Gay Pride Festivals:
From an episode of one of the only shows I do watch–The Simpsons (Netflix),
Crowd:  We’re here!  We’re queer!  Get used to it!
Lisa Simpson:  We are used to it!  You do this every year!

Yes, I’m gay and proud of it but I have nothing to prove anymore.  I get along great with straight people–as long as they don’t try to push their straight stuff on me.  Pride festivals always depress me.  They’re full of totally hot fantasy guys I can’t have who are only interested in other totally hot fantasy guys that don’t want me.  My frail ego can’t take that kind of abuse.  My penis is shrinking.

Britney, J-Lo, and the other slutty talentless hos:
It’s our own fault.  We keep paying attention to them–and no, I don’t feel sorry because they’re always being chased by paparazzi.  Put yer panties on and keep your legs shut. Yes, being rich and famous is very stressful.  You get compensated for that stress by getting to fuck anyone you want and having millions of dollars in the bank!  Like, duh.

Actors and Hollywood:
Today’s movies are regurgitated formulaic crap that are judged on how much money they make.  Ray always said “It ain’t show art, it’s show business.”  Most all movie stars suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and are not worthy of the adoration of millions–except George Clooney (oh please God, don’t let it happen to George).  There is a very blurry gray line between politicians and actors.  Freaks!

Text Messaging:
What the hell?  My nephew laughed at me when I got flamingly pissed off when he said he does it while driving.  Ray and I went to a bar in Tucson and most everyone was sitting there staring at their phones pushing little buttons instead of talking to each other.  I go online and a thirty-four year old white guy from the suburbs writes, “sup…how r u”

Sup!?  SUP!?  Fuck you, that’s sup.

Littering:
The most ultimate pet-peeve of mine.  It’s low, classless and disgusting–especially tossing a cigarette butt out the window of a car. 

Ranting On My Blog:
You know…I could go on but this is not as fun as I thought it would be.  It’s just making me tense and I’m being totally pedantic.  Who cares what I like or dislike?  Besides, I’m totally the odd man out.  Most people like texting, Lost, Gay Pride and Britney’s lack of panties.  I need to get over myself and get off my soap box but before I do, I will say one more thing:  Be a leader.  Dance to the beat of your own drummer.  Say whatever you feel and fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.  OK, so that was more than one thing.  I’m going to bed…