Category Archives: The Basics

Lately, I have been making an effort to read other blogs and after careful review, I have come to the conclusion that I may not be blogging correctly.  I think I write-write long posts about one subject as opposed to a random review of the latest and greatest current events. 

My problem situation is that I am fairly disconnected from most all of what’s going on.  I don’t care to write about current events because nothing is all that interesting to me.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have my head in the sand (or up my ass) when it comes to the major events of the world.  I read a lot of periodicals and have high speed Internet which keeps me pretty well informed.  I just don’t like to saturate myself with news–especially if it’s on the TV. 

News is, for the most part, very important to me but the media always milks the fuck out of the latest headline to the point of, well, fear.  Today’s news is all about scaring the shit out of you.  Case in point: MRSA.  Ever since that story has hit the forefront, I’ve noticed our teeny-tiny grocery store in Bisbee now has complimentary sanitary wipes for the shopping cart handle. 

Shopping at Safeway in Bisbee is deadly.  Film at 11.

I like to read my news thank you very much.  That way, it’s delivered to my psyche in my own voice and not sensationalized by some ratings monger with big hair. 

Yes, MRSA is everywhere but it’s been everywhere for a very long time.  If we let our kids eat dirt like I did back in the day,  we wouldn’t have turned ourselves into the boy in the plastic bubble.  Oh, and this just in: antibiotics don’t kill viruses so taking them when you have a cold doesn’t do anything except perpetuate drug resistant diseases and, in my case, make you constipated.

By golly, I think I’m ranting.

This is good!  People rant on their blogs.  OK, I’m going to rant.  Why not?  I think it’s time for a list!

THINGS THAT BUG THE CRAP OUT OF ME

Politicians:
Politicians are all supreme assholes who are more interested in the photo op than serving their constituents.  If they are cool now, they will eventually turn into an asshole.  I tend to vote for the least assholy one unless it’s voting against Bush in which case, I would vote for a lima bean.

Television:
When I tell someone I don’t have TV reception, they launch into what happened on the last episode of Lost–as if I need to know.  What’s worse than watching a dumb TV show episode?  Having someone describe it to you in great detail.  Yes, it’s hard to believe, I don’t have TV on purpose.

Gay Pride Festivals:
From an episode of one of the only shows I do watch–The Simpsons (Netflix),
Crowd:  We’re here!  We’re queer!  Get used to it!
Lisa Simpson:  We are used to it!  You do this every year!

Yes, I’m gay and proud of it but I have nothing to prove anymore.  I get along great with straight people–as long as they don’t try to push their straight stuff on me.  Pride festivals always depress me.  They’re full of totally hot fantasy guys I can’t have who are only interested in other totally hot fantasy guys that don’t want me.  My frail ego can’t take that kind of abuse.  My penis is shrinking.

Britney, J-Lo, and the other slutty talentless hos:
It’s our own fault.  We keep paying attention to them–and no, I don’t feel sorry because they’re always being chased by paparazzi.  Put yer panties on and keep your legs shut. Yes, being rich and famous is very stressful.  You get compensated for that stress by getting to fuck anyone you want and having millions of dollars in the bank!  Like, duh.

Actors and Hollywood:
Today’s movies are regurgitated formulaic crap that are judged on how much money they make.  Ray always said “It ain’t show art, it’s show business.”  Most all movie stars suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and are not worthy of the adoration of millions–except George Clooney (oh please God, don’t let it happen to George).  There is a very blurry gray line between politicians and actors.  Freaks!

Text Messaging:
What the hell?  My nephew laughed at me when I got flamingly pissed off when he said he does it while driving.  Ray and I went to a bar in Tucson and most everyone was sitting there staring at their phones pushing little buttons instead of talking to each other.  I go online and a thirty-four year old white guy from the suburbs writes, “sup…how r u”

Sup!?  SUP!?  Fuck you, that’s sup.

Littering:
The most ultimate pet-peeve of mine.  It’s low, classless and disgusting–especially tossing a cigarette butt out the window of a car. 

Ranting On My Blog:
You know…I could go on but this is not as fun as I thought it would be.  It’s just making me tense and I’m being totally pedantic.  Who cares what I like or dislike?  Besides, I’m totally the odd man out.  Most people like texting, Lost, Gay Pride and Britney’s lack of panties.  I need to get over myself and get off my soap box but before I do, I will say one more thing:  Be a leader.  Dance to the beat of your own drummer.  Say whatever you feel and fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.  OK, so that was more than one thing.  I’m going to bed…

Colleen and Dan got married last Friday.  The ceremony was classy and well executed, which is no surprise because Colleen is an excellent artist and designer (I could swear her bridesmaid’s dresses were the same color blue as the typeface on her wedding invitation).

I have always been quite fond of Colleen.  It was a blast to see her and several of the old Zefer people at the wedding.  I finally got to see Marie again (I am on the warpath to get her to come visit us in Bisbee).  It was also nice to meet some of Colleen’s other friends and family members.  There is something to be said about a person who has such a dynamic group of people surrounding her.  Everyone was very nice and there were several hot guys too—an added bonus if you ask me.

The reception lasted six—count ‘em six—hours.  They had a live band that kicked major butt.  I danced like a total dork all night long.  Someone finally had to start flicking the lights off and on like closing time at a gay dance club (I love watching all the gay guys scatter like midnight cockroaches at the sight of the kitchen light being flipped on).  Even though I’ve been back three times this year, I was glad we made the trip back out to Chicago for the occasion.

We also checked up on Ray’s elderly aunt Leona in Itasca.  She’s been in and out of hospitals and nursing facilities since slipping on the ice and breaking her elbow last February.  When we lived in Chicago we would go see her frequently.  She referred to us as “The Boys”.  I have known her for almost fourteen years and think of her as my own aunt.

Leona has not been doing so well these past few months.  It’s distressing to see her in such a state.  Ray has been handling her affairs and making sure she’s getting the best care possible.  She beams when his name comes up and says she doesn’t know what she would do without him.  I don’t know what I would do without him either.

On Saturday, we met up Cathy and some other friends to eat at Trattoria Dinotto.  I had—actually we all had—pumpkin ravioli.  It was delicious.  I mentioned in an earlier post that Cathy was running the Chicago marathon to raise money for breast cancer.  She did a totally cool commercial for the Chicago marathon sponsored by Energizer.  When I figure out how to convert it for the web, I’m going to put it on my blog.

Sunday we went shopping.  I initially set out to find a cheap pair of sweats. I could not find anything of the sort so to reward myself for my hard work and failed effort; I went to a high-end running boutique and bought a pair of sweats for $75.00—because I’m worth it.

Sunday night was a blast as well.  After my purchase, Ray and I met up with Paul and Johnnie at Marty’s wine and Martini bar for a drink (I know…I’m supposed to be off drinking for a while but technically I’m on vacation).  After that, Ray’s neice Gretchen and her man Jim came up and we all had a yummy Mediterranean dinner at a place called Andies.

Ray and I had a really good time in Chicago. The October leaves were lingering in Autumnal color.  Even though it was cool and the flowers were a little long in the tooth, the city was charged with the oncoming holiday season. 

We’re on our way back to Stolen Horseshoe as I write this entry on the plane.  I have traveled every weekend this month and I’m ready to stay home and pet the kitty who is beside herself with loneliness.  Might have to get the fireplace going as well.  A cup of hot tea sounds nice…

Every once in a while I am struck with a feeling of emptiness inside.  It’s strange to think that I could be missing something since I have everything a man could possibly want.  Good relationship, job, roof over my head; all the fixins for a happily ever after.  There’s just this one thing that seems to leave me feeling unfulfilled.  Perhaps it’s a lack of spirituality.

My mother is Presbyterian.  For a short time as a small child there was Sunday school but that didn’t last too long.  From third to sixth grade was Lutheran school, complete with weekly hymn sing and chapel.  That stopped abruptly when my parents divorced.  Soon after that was a bout of teenage born again Christianism which ended when the church I was attending booted out a member who came out of the closet.  This guy turned to his fellow Christians for help and guidance and they shunned him.  That just didn’t seem very Christ-like to a budding homosexual like myself.

Jesus loves me this I know/If I’m white and hetero

That particular experience made me struggle with Christianity but I still believed that somewhere down in the muck, there was truth and honesty in it all.  Unfortunately, once George junior got into the White House all bets were off.  I have become so turned off by Christianity thanks to our fearless leader who seems to think he’s on a mission from God.  And they say Satan is scary.  Actually, I have become turned off by all religions.  There is so much vile hatred and bloodshed in the name of God that all organized religion has become scary to me. 

So what to do?  Find an unorganized religion?

For a while I flirted with Buddhism and kind of liked it.  Paganism seem quite relevant to me from a respect the earth and the elements perspective but people hear the word Pagan and think you’re a six toed mutant sheep fucker–which is really funny because a lot of Christian holidays ripped off–I mean appropriated–pagan rituals.  Isn’t it a coincidence that Christmas is right around the same time as the winter solstice?  What’s up with bringing a live tree into the house in the dead of winter?

I admire Christianity from a technical standpoint.  It’s beautifully constructed and it has hell–which is a brilliant concept.  You simply can’t argue with H E double hockey sticks.  Do something wrong and you burn in hell forever. 

Then there’s the “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven” or CAPJF clause.  I love that.  A Christian does something wrong and simply asks to be forgiven and all is right with the world.  Is there a limit on how many times you can be forgiven for the same thing?  There should be.

Now what sucks for me is being stuck with the Go Straight To Hell card because I’m gay.  I never even had a chance.  Perhaps I can use the CAPJF phrase every time I have sex. 

Oh!  Now…how did that happen?  He he….sorry.  I promise it won’t happen again–until tomorrow.

To be fair I have to acknowledge the people who exemplify what a good Christian should be.  They’re out there.  The only problem is that they’re overshadowed by self righteous freaks who blow up abortion clinics or hold up signs at Matthew Shepard’s funeral saying that God hates fags.  Being a gay man who gets pissed off when the media focuses on the flaming queen in a speedo with body glitter at gay pride festivals…well, let’s just say I understand how it is when one person ruins it for an entire group.

I’m still in a rut though.  The empty spot in my soul seems to grow as I get older.  Drugs, sex and Mary Tyler Moore reruns just don’t fill the void anymore. 

I guess I have to look on the bright side; If I am going to hell for being gay, at least all of my friends will be there. 

Well, tomorrow we’re off to Chicago for the weekend–for the third time this year.  My friend Colleen is getting married.  It’s a nice time of year to visit.  I’m sure there’s going to be some cool Halloween nightlife events going on not to mention a few good meals at a few good restaurants.

I remember when I first moved to Chi-town back in 1995.  Having grown up in Lost Angeles, I was totally enamoured by being in a real city (sorry LA, you’re not a city, you’re more like a ginormous suburb–deal with it).  Ray had just moved into a condo in the Gold Coast on Dearborn and North right near North Avenue beach.  I was so in love with living in a place where people actually walked and seasons actually happened that I wrote a song about it.

After ten years, I was no longer taken in by living in the city–any city for that matter.  Ray and I missed the Southwest but didn’t wan’t to go back to LA so we decided to head out to the Middle of Nowhere, Arizona.  No regrets on that one.

It’s nice to fly back to visit the old hood now and again.  I have very fond memories of living there–especially being a full-time college student for the first three years and working for the Tribune.  Every day I walked through the doors at Tribune Tower I was in awe at the fact that I worked in such a fantastic building.  If you like architecture, you’ll love Chicago.

Ray always said that Chicago is a very livable city.  He’s right.  The funny thing is, as much as I’m excited to visit, I’m already looking forward to coming back. 

Arizona is where I belong. 

OK, I never fart.  I mean I never fart in public.  Today at work, toward the end of the day, while I was wrapping things up at my desk, I let one go.  No one was around except my one coworker in the office down the hall.  He always stays late and when he leaves, he exits through the door at the far end of the building so I knew it was safe.

It was a good one.

Or a bad one depending on who you ask.  I did, after all, have butter and garlic brussles sprouts the night before.  I turned around to leave and there was my coworker standing at the door to my office.  Talk about the elephant in the room.  He started asking me all these questions about the meeting tomorrow morning.  I tried to act like nothing happened but…you can’t ignore a fart.  It’s not like some thing you can shift off into a corner.  It’s everywhere.  I tried to busy myself with my briefcase.  It didn’t matter.  My fart was permeating the air. 

I did the only thing I could do in the situation.  I just sat back down, smiled and answered his questions as if the fart-smell was as plain as the sun was shining.  I took ownership of the fart.  I claimed it.

He chatted for a bit, said goodnight and left. 

Whatta ya going to do…?

Sunday can be a good day for food around our house.  Last night Ray made stuffed portobello mushrooms and stuffed butternut squash.  With all the different seasonings going on, the whole house smelled like October. 

I did my part too.  I made herb and garlic brussels sprouts! 

Yes folks, there actually are times when I break out the cooking gear to prepare food and yes, I did say brussels sprouts. 

I love brussels sprouts.  I threw some chopped onions, garlic, thyme, oregano, salt, pepper and butter into a skillet.  After stirring that up for a bit, I threw in steamed brussles sprouts that were halved. 

Ray fired up the juicer as well.  He is such an alchemist when it comes to food.  After extracting the juice from a bunch of carrots, he whipped together a carrot cake thingie with the leftover pulp.  It was pretty good–anything is if you coat it with enough butter.  Butter is the solution to all food experiments and it’s good for your coat.

The one thing I like to do when cooking with dry seasoning is to break out my pestle and mortar.  A quick little grind is optimal in unlocking the flavor and it’s a great way to work out your daily frustrations. 

Dinner was totally delicious.  We scarfed down our food and watched the first season of Family Guy on DVD. 

Ray didn’t serve the butternut squash though.  We’ll probably have that tonight. 

This is the time of year when it’s dark before six o’clock.  Winter is closing in fast and evening wind-down desires shift from cocktails by the pool to spiced tea by the fireplace. 

Both Ray and I hunger for harvest foods like pumpkin, squash and sweet potato.  Eating (and cooking) becomes a sensory experience.  I think it’s due to the fact that the holidays are just around the corner.  The smell of harvest foods, spiced tea and roasted anything set off a chain of melancholy childhood memories.  I become giddy and excited like a little kid. 

I’m so looking forward to the holidays.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, the Pagan one with the tree that the Christians appropriated and New Years are all favorites of mine.  It’s all good…until it’s over.  Then it’s just cold and dark.  At least here in Arizona, it’s like that until March unlike Chicago where it’s winter until late June…