Author Archives: Robert

I was supposed to go to Chicago this past weekend.  The whole family was going to rummage through Leona’s stuff before the house get’s put up for sale.  Ray called at the last minute and suggested I stay home because there was some bad weather expected for my Monday return date and I absolutely had to be at work for the week to work with the consultant coming from our CMS software company.  He didn’t want me to get stuck in Chicago.

He had been there since Thursday and by Sunday it seems everyone had come down with the flu.

I’m sorry I missed that.

I would have been traveling with the flu and had to deal with a big project all week–and I would have been totally infectious.  Typhoid Cobban!

I felt so bad for Ray.  He sounded terrible.  He had the whole, “My skin hurts.” kind of flu where you can’t get out of bed.  He seems to be on the mend and will be coming home tonight.  Poor boo-boo.

This week, we have the software consultant here to assist in the set up of our web software.  Ohhhh…wish me luck.  This is the part where I need to make sure I have set everything up correctly.  At least I have this Friday off!

4:15…at least I made it past the 2:00 AM point so I won’t be quite so tired all day.  Even though my boss reassures that he’s got my back, even though everything is going well, even though we hired a temp for the project, even though the company we bought our web CMS software is coming next week to assist in the server configuration…

I still can’t sleep.

Who can really?  Redoing the web site for my County is a huge task.  My mind is going a million miles an hour.  The most unfortunate part is the fact that I agreed to perform in this play which has its five shows the week of going live with the site.  My brain has no room for script memorization. 

I know in the long run, the web site will be a hit and I shouldn’t get too wound up, but at the core of my being is a person who wants to do his best and doing his best means fixating on all the little details and that means getting all nutted up over everything.  It’s so funny…actually, it’s not funny, its kind of fucked up that every night when I’m going to bed, I’m so tired I decide not to take a Valium because I know I’m going to sleep like a baby.  Then I wake up at 2:30.

Usually, a project like a web redesign for an organization with a thousand-plus employees requires a team of people–at least that’s how it was when I worked for an Internet consulting company.  There was a project manager, designer, front & back end developers, etc.  I am wearing many hats on this one.  I just wish I had a head for each one of them.  It’s not that I can’t handle it and even though I’m tired and cranky, I’m not complaining.  So far, everything is going right on schedule.  I’m just frazzled.

I have to train an employee from each department to use the software and they are responsible for transferring their own content from the old site.  Yesterday I held classes for sixteen people and today I have a class for eight.  I still have some stragglers to train but we’ll get there.  Since my deadline is a bit tight (who am I kidding, it’s insane), we all have to learn as we go and hope for the best.  I am fortunate to have people who are committed to doing a good job and I think my hyper-enthusiasm is infectious. 

Whenever I do get kind of stressed about the whole thing, I shut my eyes and fantasize about how awesome the final product is going to be.  It really does kick some major ass if I do say so myself.  Besides, our current site is so monumentally bad, anything is going to be a marked improvement. 

Uh oh…it’s time to wake up and get to work. 

(Eyes closed) “You can do this Cobban.  You are doing it.  It’s already done and it kicks ass.”

UNRELATED NOTE: I am completely humbled by the kind words, emails and donations to the Mule Mountain Relay For Life for my friend David and the other people I have lost to cancer.  ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!!

Our friend David used to be Ray’s boss back in Chicago.  We both like him a lot.  He’s a wonderful guy who’s got a beautiful wife and an adorable young daughter.  He’s also got a cancerous brain tumor that has been carved out of his head more times than I can count. 

David went in for surgery and found out just six weeks after virtually all of the tumor was removed, it had grown back and is now approximately 2” x 4”, occupying significant parts of both his right frontal and temporal lobes.  Without some way of stopping that growth, the doctor thinks he may have a couple of months left to live.

I can’t handle this on my own anymore.  After losing so many people to cancer and seeing friends and family fight against this disease,  I just can’t muster up the strength to send positive vibes out to them. 

Will you help me?

Whoever is reading this…can you just for a second, shut your eyes and visualize yourself as a beacon, a radio transmitter, broadcasting a signal of hope and reassurance for David?  Send it out to everyone you know who’s in need of help. 

I believe in the power of collective positive thought.  Some people may call it prayer and others may call it hogwash.  Whatever you call it, I don’t care, just please say a little prayer for my friend David and his family.  Maybe if we all concentrate on emitting a positive vibe we can change the world. 

I will forever be unapologetically disgustingly optimistic.

Since I am on the subject of favors, I’m going to ask another one.  Last year Bisbee held its first annual Mule Mountain Relay for life.  The Relay For Life is an event to help the American Cancer Society raise money to fight cancer.  We had a goal to raise 20K for our first try.  We raised 33K instead.  This year I am the Online Chairperson (I maintain the website) and I’m walking the Relay on a team.  Please consider donating to our cause or find a Relay for Life in your area and get involved.  If you feel so inclined to support our local effort, you may donate directly to a participant, team or the event itself.  Go to Mule Mountain Relay For Life for more information. 

The theme this year is Making Cancer History.  Each Team is picking a historical event.  Our team is Woodstock Revisited.  As a participant, I’m listed as Cobban Barnett.  I don’t get any money, prizes or accolades for raising cash.  I just get the satisfaction of feeling like I’m actually doing something when deep inside I feel so helpless watching the people I love wither away and dissolve into my past. 

I’m asking people I don’t know to donate money for a cause I believe in.  I understand it may sound tacky and I apologise for that.  If you do not feel like donating money to our event, please find a Relay For Life in your area.  Find anything and donate time or money or old clothes. 

My cousin Margaret was 41.  My friend Steven was 39.  David is not even 50 and has a little kid.  All three of them in good health with a promising life ahead.  It’s just not fair.

This was featured on Yahoo news today:

“Surprise in diabetes study
People with heart disease and diabetes may need to alter their habits.”

No shit!

Warning–I’m about to rant.  I may not be 100 percent accurate in my medical information but I’m a six foot two, forty two year old man , weighing in at 175lbs in perfect health (good blood pressure–great cholesterol levels), I must be doing something right to be able to go off on this subject.

People with heart disease and diabetes may need to alter their habits
This is news?  We cut school funding, take away recess and gym, put in vending machines and serve over-processed crap to our kids and wonder why they are fat and diabetic.  Am I missing something?  If you don’t move around physically, you get fat.  If you eat crap, you develop health problems.  Almost everything that comes in a can or a bag that you heat and serve is crap.  It’s full of salt, sugar and partially hydrogenated oil. 

Partially Hydrogenated Oil 
Partially Hydrogenated <<insert type of oil here>> = Trans Fat.

The Twinkie won’t say trans fat in the ingredients.  It’ll say partially hydrogenated oil.  If it’s creamy and “fresh” after being on the shelf for several months, it’s full of trans fat and that’s icky.  Don’t put that in your body.

There are good fats and bad fats but trans fat is by far, the worst fat there is.  Put down the trans fat!  Now step away slowly! 

Sugar Free
If you drink diet soda in place of water or eat “sugar free” things with NutraSweet®, you’re still freaking out your pancreas thus making your glucose levels fly off the charts.  Drink water or in my case, plain unsweetened iced tea.

UPDATE From Time.com: Can Sugar Substitutes Make You Fat?

Carbs
A carbohydrate is a major source of fuel for your metabolism.  No carb diets are, um, stupid.  That’s expecting you car to run on an empty tank of gas.  White flour, white bread, white anything for that matter is gross.  This whitening process (for lack of a better term) is really, really bad because it strips away of every bit of fiber and nutrients leaving a white goo that metabolises into sugar in your system and clumps up in your digestive tract.  Goo sticking in your digestive tract…that can’t be good for you.  That’s why you need fiber–lots of it.  Fiber is literally like eating an SOS pad that scrapes the sticky shit out of you.  You exfoliate your face–exfoliate your colon!

There are several types of carbs so I’m just going to simplify:

1. Refined Carbs (White Rice, White Bread)
2. Unrefined Carbs (Brown Rice, Wheat Bread)

Fire
Refined carbs are like lighting a piece of paper.  They flare up, burn bright and go out in an instant.  Unrefined carbs are like a lump of coal.  They ignite, burn evenly and taper off slowly until they go out.  It’s better to fuel yourself with slow burning coal.  More efficient.

Sugar is one of the most refined carbs you can find.  Eat something sugary and your blood sugar spikes way up and then way down making you feel hungrier than you really are.  Throw in a diet rich in refined carbs (which also spikes your blood sugar) and you’re in insulin shock.  Wash that down with diet coke while you’re glued to the TV set and you’re morbidly obese.  The medical insurance system goes out of whack and I have to pay for it. 

It’s easy to eat right
Eat fruit – not fruit rollups
Eat veggies – not frozen peeled bagged stuff
Eat meat (if you want) – just not every single day. 
Drink water

It’s easy to be active
Park across the parking lot
Take the friggin’ stairs if it’s just one or two (or three) floors
Take an occasional walk – you’ll be glad you did
Turn. Off. The. TV.

Most importantly (in my humble opinion) it’s better to go natural with all foods, even the bad ones.  Eat butter on your toast –not margarine(which is FULL of trans fat). Pour half and half in your coffee not non-dairy creamer (which is also FULL of trans fat).  Eat or drink something with sugar as long as it’s in small doses and not every day.  You have to have some fun.

One more thing:
When I first started changing my diet, I felt that the raw veggies and low salt foods were bland.  They’re not.  I was just so used to eating that other crap.  On the rare occasion I do eat something out of a bag or at a—dare I say it–Olive Garden, it tastes like a salt lick dipped in sugar.  Eat the good foods, you get used to it. 

More tips:
Hummus can double as a sandwhich spread.
Bake a sweet potato.  They actaully taste good plain.
Try lemon or cucumber in your water
Plain unsweetened herbal iced teas are yummy
Try quinua

I woke up early this morning.  The cat was curled up at the foot foot the bed and Ray was still sound asleep.  It was pitch black outside and quite cold inside so I just curled up into a big ball under the covers. 

My mind wandered off way back to the day Ray called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner.  We had known each other casually for a couple of years and he was moving to Chicago from LA.  He was going through his phone book, taking friends out to dinner one by one so he could devote his full attention to them as opposed to a big drunken going away party.

That is so Ray. 

I was taken aback by this gesture because I always felt that I was way out of his league.  I only knew him from renting a room in his house for a short time a couple years prior.  He was always so refined, smart and handsome and I was so…me.  But who was I to turn down a free meal?

We went to a place called Cobalt in Silverlake.  Ray ordered Cadillacs.  They’re like a supercharged margarita.  After two of them, I started to relax a bit.  He sort of made me nervous because I was a very insecure 27 year old back then.  While he was talking, I started to realize how cute he was.  I never entertained the thought of having an attraction to him because he was not really my type and there was no way in hell a handsome successful man would ever be interested in a tall lanky rock band keyboardist who freelanced in film production.  But now, something was different.  Maybe I was a bit older and more secure.  I started to flirt shamelessly. 

The next morning–when I woke up in his bed–he gave me the key to his house.  We really hit it off the night before (so to speak).  I was sort of weirded out by this but quickly realized that we already knew each other and hell, it was the key I had when I lived there before. 

This was a perfect arrangement,  he was going to be moving away in a couple of months.  What a perfect no-frills mini relationship-fling thing.  We knew it was going to end so there were no messy attachments. 

We spent the next three months doing dinner, doing each other and just hanging out.  I stood on the street and waved goodbye one morning and never expected to see him again.  But then he called.

He flew back to visit.  I flew there.  He flew back.  I flew there.  He knew to never ask me to move because I was so entrenched in the LA scene.  I had just finished working on the Shawshank Redemption with another film lined up and my band had some record label interest.  There was no way I was going to leave when I was on the verge of major success. 

After a year of long distance dating,  I broke it off.  I was growing tired of trying not to fall for someone so far away.  Ray agreed.  A short time later.  He called one more time and said, “I love you.  I want you to move here.”  I did the most adult thing I have ever done in my life.  I said I’d think about it.

One day, I was at band practice.  Our guitar player stopped mid-song and asked me to turn my keyboards down.  Like a ton of bricks, I realized that:

A. Our guitar player was an asshole and I hated him.
B. The film industry sucks.
C. LA sucks.
D. There was a totally hot guy in a new town offering me the chance of a lifetime and I was turning it down!

So I left and never looked back…

The alarm went off.  Ray rolled over and shut it off.  I leaned into him and whispered, “Happy anniversary honey.”

That dinner with the Cadillacs was fourteen years ago today.

Ray and I were flying home yesterday from a fabulous trip to DC.  (I’ll blog about that later).  We had a layover in Dallas.  Our flight was delayed due to snow in Tucson.

Thanks global warming!

Instead of getting home at a reasonable hour and having some down time, we got home in the evening, ate and hopped into bed.  I hate doing that. 

I have a gazillion things to do this week (including voting today) and that is taking me farther and farther away from blogging.  I have Friday off but will probably be working all day from home.  I’ll probably just post some of the photos from my trip without saying to much about the event.  Me not saying much?  Hard to believe.

I just need to get past April…