Author Archives: Robert

Oh my, this is just too funny…

OK, I admit it; I have a ginormous crush on Jon Hamm the actor who plays Don Draper on AMC’s fantastic 1960’s advertising-agency-where-everyone-smokes-and-drinks show Mad Men.  He’s so freakin’ hot that I now understand why teenage girls screamed at the Beatles.

They just couldn’t help it.

Fortunately, Ray is a very secure man and understands that while I may drool at the sight of Mr. Hamm, I haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell of ever crossing paths with such a fine example of everything that is perfect about the male form.

Even if Mr. Hamm were of the Rainbow Flag Waving persuasion, I think he’d probably be a bit more interested in hanging out with other genetically blessed individuals as opposed to some wanna-be who lives in the middle of nowhere, Arizona.  A boy can dream though, can’t he?

The only drawback is that Mr. Hamm plays a total jerk on the TV show so there are times when he’s not all that likeable—oh who am I kidding—I’d be his doormat.

One interesting little tidbit is that Mr. Hamm considers Sam Elliott to be a role model (according to his IMDB profile).  I just about fell out when I read that.  We all know how fond I am of Sam.

What is it about these men that makes me go weak at the knees?  Lordy, I just want to put them both in my pocket.  The thing about them is masculinity.  They both ooze with virility.  You can keep Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Cruise.  I’ll take Jon and Sam any day and while you’re at it, throw in some George Clooney!

Sigh…I fear that I’m going to turn into a L.D.O.M. (leering dirty old man).

Uhh...hello.

I love the scruffy look too!

The alarm clock went off this morning.  I opened my eyes and it was still pitch black.  This is the worse time of year for me.  I’m a sun person–a summer-long-days person.  Who in the hell wants to get out of bed in the cold dark of December?

This is also a time of year when I have to keep depression at bay. 

Working out is good for depression but when I get home at 5:30 and it’s dark out, the motivation factor is very weak.  Thank goodness December 21st is on the way.  The days will start to get longer and before I know it, Spring will be at my doorstep.  So saith Pollyanna.

I just have to keep positive thoughts in my head and push forward. . .

Cobban 40.3 is being released today.  This is an upgrade from last year’s version 40.2. 

The most noticeable change from the previous version is the new hardware chassis.  Over the last year, developers have maintained regular gym workouts.  The outer hardware has firmed up again and is a little bit bigger.  This particular feature is in anticipation of next year’s model, 40.4 hoping to be even bigger and more defined. 

Also with the release of 40.3 is a new and improved software feature that keeps the electronic current in Cobban’s RAM running in a positive fashion.  Developers did a lot of soul searching this year and have created a system of thinking that is productive and not self destructive.  This is a feature that will continue to improve with each annual release.

Finally, Cobban 40.3 comes equipped with a new motorcycle.  This is a vast improvement from last year’s crotch rocket and is much more fuel efficient.

Look for Cobban 40.3 on a highway near you. 

1965-2008 ©Cobban v40.3 – Made In America!

In all honesty, I’m not too happy about this one.  I don’t want to get older anymore.  I want to freeze-dry this moment in time and stay 43 for the rest of my life. 

I’m finally feeling like I have a grasp on things.  Gone are the insecurities of my twenties and the frustrations of my thirties.  So far the forties have been confident and comfortable.  The only problem is that I don’t have the drive and energy I did when I was younger.  I’m ready to do the things I have put off for years (like body building and learning the guitar) but my physical self doesn’t react the way it would have if I would have done these things twenty years ago.  I have to lift more weights more often to see results.  I have to practice extra hard to make my fingers strike the right chord.  I have to realize that I never took the opportunity to do those things back then.  I can’t change the past–but I can change the future.  With age comes wisdom.

In order to live a long productive life, I’m going to keep a positive outlook and visualize that I have many, many years ahead.  I vow to explore life to the fullest and enjoy each Arizona sunset one evening at a time.

Last night the fireplace was cracklin’ and the kitty was purring while Ray was clanking around in the kitchen.  The house started to smell really good and the red wind wine was going to my head as Vince Guaraldi’s piano playing tinkled quietly in the background.  There’s no better way to document this than a YouTube clip. . .

For the past fifteen years, Ray and I have attended events together for both of our families.  I cried at his father’s funeral, he laughed at my family reunion.  We have bought and sold property together and attended the same church in Chicago.  The two of us have volunteered for community organizations and collectively donated money to those in need.  We jointly pay our property tax and support local businesses by shopping for goods we use together.

His nieces and nephews refer to me as uncle.  My mom adores him because, according to her, she sees how happy he makes me–and that’s all a mother could want and more.

Ray convinced me to return to college at the tender age of thirty.  He sat with me at the dining room table while I pulled my hair out studying anything mathematical.  I got an A in algebra because of him.  Technically, I am a college graduate because of him (he begs to differ but there is no way I could have done it without his help).

I have brought him medicine and liquids when he was sick in bed.  He has put up with me forever being in the process of “finding myself” and buying a motorcycle.

Our love and admiration for each other is as real and valid as anyone else’s in this country.  The amount of time we have spent together has gradually fused us into ONE unit.

We are married dammit!!

While no one can ever take that truth away from us, we should be granted the exact same rights as any other married couple–and I want those rights to be retroactive.  in fifteen more years, I want to say that I’ve been married for thirty. 

It’s funny…the people who feel the need to protect the sanctity of marriage think that gays getting married is like the beginning of the end.  To me it’s the other way around.  Their recent victory is like my beginning of the end.  I’m tired of religion being part of my government.  Get the fuck out of my house!  If you’re going to protect the sanctity of marriage, go hunt down Liz Taylor!  She’s an out-of-control serial marryer!  And while you’re at it, outlaw divorce!  Yeah!  Go round up Julia Roberts and stick her in a house with Lyle Lovitt forever!!  Remember that freaky David Guest guy Liza hooked up with?  Yeah!  Protect that union!  David, Liza, I now pronounce you STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER!!!  HOW DARE YOU VIOLATE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE WITH YOUR DIVORCE!!  Mohohooahh Ha Ha HAAAAA! 

I put most (not all) religious people in the same category as Sarah Palin–they make me want to hate them.  The vile things done by the church “in the name of Christ” has gotten me to the point where I simply can’t put my faith in their words.  I can’t believe anymore because what I see are all lies and customizing the word of God to fit the ©New Christian agenda.  The bible says it’s wrong to be gay.  It also says that it’s wrong to practice birth control–or masturbate! 

Oh…I am soooo in trouble on that last one.

The bible outlines my relationship with Christ as if I were a lamb and Christ was the Shepard and I’m just supposed to follow him around and do whatever he says.  That is so not me.  I’m a thinker.  I wonder how things work.  I ask analytical questions.  I don’t want to be told how to be and what to do.  I used to just sit there quietly and turn the other cheek about my religious shortcomings apologizing for being gay.  Not anymore!  I’m tired of those lying freak-a-zoid motherfuckers and I will not be silenced!  My marriage is valid.  My partner and I matter to our community and we deserve the respect that we’re entitled to!!!

Got a little Mommy Dearest there, sorry.

The notion that in religion the mere act of thinking about doing something is just as sinful as actually doing it is the world’s biggest mindfuck ever.  Every single time I see an attractive man, before I can even consider my internal thoughts, we’ve already had sex and I’m laying there smoking a cigarette!  In my head of course (and I don’t really smoke cigarettes but it’s a good visual).  There’s no way to control thoughts of lust–they just happen and with me it’s like a perpetual tape loop. 

Sex sex sex sex sex food sex sex sex sex sleep sex sex sex sex martinis sex sex sex sex!

The idea that a passing lustful thought holds the same sinful weight as actually doing it is just warped to me.  It’s an automatic fail as far as sin goes.  You can’t possibly overcome that.  It’s a lose-lose situation.  It’s just a step away from abusive mind control. 

You can’t masturbate, so you don’t, but if you think of it (which you will) you’re sinning just as much as if you did do it.  That explains why the more nutty religious freaks are so uptight.

Perhaps, I should just jump every man I see!  Next time I see a hot guy at the airport, I’m going to create a distraction, shove him in a broom closet and have at it.  I mean, if I’m sinning for thinking it, I may as well do it right?  It’s not like there’s a double sin fee for acting out on the thought.   I’ll politely apologise afterwards of course.  “Sorry bud, take it as a compliment.”

I don’t have the guts to actually do that and I’d probably be beaten to death for even trying.

I don’t think that life is all just a happy accident.  My brain is far too feeble to comprehend what makes up the inner molecular world as well as outer space and beyond.  I can’t answer the “why” in why are we here but I do believe in someone (or something) as a higher power.  I just don’t think it’s a white male Republican (Ms. Palin thinks it’s her).  It’s just so sad that the church itself is exactly what’s driving me away from God (or their version of God).  Hey, if I’m going to burn in hell forever because I’m gay, at least all my friends will be there!