Author Archives: Robert

Since Ray and I live in a remote area, we have to use propane.  The last time we filled up the tank, it was very, very expen$ive.  That makes me, who hates being cold, a heat miser. 

The house gets down to 63 during the night.  It would be a waste to heat it up in the morning only to run out the door an hour later so we get by on a space heater in the office for our daily routine.

Parker kitty has taken to jumping up on my lap in the morning.  She’s demanding about this new ritual so I tend to give in and let her curl up while I have coffee and check email.  It’s very amusing as she seems to enjoy Ray’s company much more than mine. 

This morning, after she got herself all cozy, Ray turned around and said “See! She loves her dad.”  I told him that she hates her dad and the notion of her loving me was anthropomorphic.  The real reason she wants to be on my lap is to draw my body heat away for her own comfort.  Ray didn’t agree.

I suddenly realized saying she hates me is just as anthropomorphic as saying she loves me.

Does my cat love me?  She seems to express affection when I’m feeding her or sharing my personal body heat (which I need at six a.m.) but other than that, she’s pretty much on her own.

This evening, after a frustrating work day, Parker defiantly jumped up on the cocktail table and started lapping away at my martini. 

LOVE: Oh, Mr. Human, thank you for sharing your delicious martini with me.  I’ve had such a tiresome kitty-kat day.
HATE: Fuck you asshole!  I’m getting me some of this juice ’cause I do whatever the fuck I want to around my domain!!

Do you see the love on her kitty-kat face?  You tell me . . .

Today is the third anniversary of moving into our new home.  I’ll never forget after all was moved in, Ray shook up some martinis and we started to sip away at them. 

It was a Friday.  I opened the door and the full January mood was rising (similar to Saturday’s spectacular moonrise).  I turned to Ray and said “Oh my gosh, we moved in on a Friday the 13th full moon.”  Just then–I shit you not–a pack of coyotes raced past the courtyard gate right between us and the full moon.  I turned to Ray and said,

“I’m going to take that as a good sign.”

I remember coming out here every day while the house was under construction.  It felt endless waiting for them to finish and yet here we are years later.

Ray’s nephew is going to Kuwait.  He asked us to look after his motorcycle while he’s away.  Naturally, I said yes. 

Rode it to work yesterday.  Froze my ass off but it was worth it!

It’s a Kawasaki Ninja 250.  A 250 is very small for me.  It was like riding a bumble bee.

NOTE: I have upgraded to the latest WordPress version and noticed my photos do not enlarge. I’m working on it.

Everywhere I turn, there’s a reference to the new Nikon D-90 Digital SLR.  I can’t stop thinking about how much I want that camera.  It’s one of those things I can’t just ignore anymore because I know I’ll use the damn thing.  I have owned cameras for most of my life.  I’m always taking photos.  I used to have a darkroom. 

God…remember the darkroom?

I went to Best Buy the other day.  They had one there.  I picked it up and tinkered around.  The camera was very fast and had great action.  (OK gay boys, in this context, the terms fast and action mean something entirely different.)

The smug sales guy came over to me asking if I had any questions.  I said “Yes. Why is every item in the world of retail being slashed down to 70% off with the exception of this camera?”

He didn’t get my humor.  I asked more questions.

“Does the additional software record sound simultaneously to the computer from a remote mic source when the camera is in HD video mode?  What are the time lapse parameters?  Can I shoot a 10 second exposure every 15 seconds?  Will it take standard AA rechargeable batteries like my deceased Olympus E-20 N or will I be stuck with a proprietary Nikon battery that I’ll have to pay a fortune for when it can’t hold a charge any longer?”

Naturally, he was clueless to my queries but it was OK because I did my research and knew the answers anyway.  It was almost cute when his eyes started to cross with befuddlement.  I finally asked him how long it would take before they would drop the price or when it might go on sale.  He huffed and said “If I knew that, I wouldn’t tell you.”  At first I was kind of pissed by his remark but felt instant comfort when I realized he’ll probably be working at Best Buy in Sierra Vista for the rest of his natural life. 

They were asking a lot of dough for the body and a nice lens.  Too rich for my blood.  I tried to put it out of my mind–which is similar to me not thinking about sex so naturally I have decided to get the camera! 

I’ll useit and it’s been over a year since my Olympus crapped out on me…it was only five.  I’m jonesing for an SLR. 

My father sent me some cash for the holidays, Ray said he would contribute a bit.  This morning I dumped out and counted the loose change in my dressing area.  It was overflowing in a bowl in my closet catching my eye since I developed this fixation for a new camera. 

$83.00 Quarters
$15.10 Dimes
$03.40 Nickles
$02.02 Pennies
$00.00 Lint balls

$103.52 Total!

I knew there was a lot of cash in there but…$103.52!  Shit! 

Now, a few years back, I would have had that camera and all the fixins the day it came out regardless of cost.  I also would have had late fees on my credit card, no car insurance and sleepless nights freaking out at my debt.  That was before Ray (who was dutiful in our partnership by teaching me to be wise with money) Now my wallet gets constipated at the mere mention of spending money–especially for something that I technically don’t need.  Maybe I almost need it?  It would be an asset to my blog.  It shoots HD video and time lapse!  I did this time lapse clip with my old camera:

 

I’m not about to run back to Best Buy.  Aside from the fact that it’s not really the Best Buy, I’m going to shop around a bit (and see someone about selling a kidney on the black market).  Ray made me promise one thing; I can’t bitch and moan when the camera drops in price the day after I get it.

On Monday, I woke up with a slight irritation in my throat.  I thought I might have slept with my mouth open as I sometimes do when my nose gets plugged from all the Arizona dust. 

As the day progressed, I started to feel worse.  The next day, I went into work.  I felt bad, but not bad enough and I could isolate myself in my office as not to infect others.  By Wednesday morning, I was immobile.  My hair hurt.  Sore throat, chills, headache but no coughing or sneezing.  I’m sure I was just bubbling with an infectious aura.  I stayed home. 

I’m starting to feel better but I still lack energy (as illustrated by Parker Kitty in the photo). 

I was all ready to hit the world this week.  A new year.  Holidays are over.  Back to work!  Go! Go! Go! Then I crashed.

The key–for me at least–to getting over something fast is NyQuil induced comas.  Stay in bed and sleep as much as you can.  Speaking of sleep, that sounds like a great idea.

Nap time…

A couple of weeks ago, there was a little tiny lizard climbing up the curtains in the guest room.  I was in a hurry to leave so I just left it there.  Growing up in the hills of Southern California has made me kind of blasé when it comes to critters.  Lizards, snakes and tarantulas don’t bother me at all—on the other hand, out of work actors, Mormons on bicycles and Sarah Palin send an icy chill up my spine.

I forgot about the lizard until this weekend when we were taking the Winter Solstice tree down.  Mr. Lizard was in the corner behind the tree.  I should have caught the little guy and moved him outside as it appeared he had starved to death (lord knows our fat lazy cat had nothing to do with its demise).  My heart sank.  Here we were enjoying the holiday by overindulging with food and spirits while the little creature lay there as its life slowly came to an end.  I felt terrible.

It’s one thing to run over a creature on the highway.  I’ve done it many times.  They dart out on the road while you’re going 65 MPH.  Sorry critter, if it’s a choice between saving you at the expense of risking my own life as well as the lives of my passengers, I’m going to win every time–not to mention that your death is fairly immediate as opposed to laying there on the floor shriveling up while some asshole with a martini is sitting right next to you chowing down yet another handfull of holiday cookies. 

Most people wouldn’t care. “It’s just a stupid lizard” they’d say.  “Something would have eaten it if it were outside anyway.”

In that case, they’re right.  I can’t control what happens outside in the lizard world but…this was inside my world.