Author Archives: Robert

I got bit by a black widow spider about two weeks ago.  I didn’t see the spider but I saw this on my leg a couple of days after the intense pain started (see photo).  I was beyond sick.  The pain was almost unbearable.  Felt like I was a dishrag being rung out.  Missed an entire week of work. I still feel like shit.

This past weekend when I was starting to feel almost human again, Ray and I decided it was time for a little Spring cleaning in the garage.  We moved things around, shop vac’d and sprayed the hell out of the place.  My karaoke machine is set up out there.  I was organizing the discs and straightening things up when Ray suggested we have some karaoke fun later in the evening.

It was a blast.  Ray decided to sing Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth” (Stop children what’s that sound…). He did a good job of it so I encouraged him to sing it again.  This Saturday is karaoke night in Old Bisbee and Ray decided he was going to practice the song for the event.

Last night, we were home practicing our karaoke songs and Ray broke out “For What It’s Worth” and started singing.

“There’s battle lines being drawn
Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind”

I heard that lyric and realized, just like in the 60’s, we’re going through turbulent times with, well, everything.  Wars, recession, gay marriage, drugs, abortion, religion, global warming, etc.  Face it folks, the times they are a-changin’. (Thank you Bob Dylan.)  There’s only one problem.

No one is speaking their mind.

Where are the protest songs?  Where’s the movement?  The unity?  Even Neil-fucking-Young was recently quoted saying  “I think that the time when music could change the world is past. I think it would be very naive to think that in this day and age.”  Neil Young who wrote Ohio!!

Like the spider venom coursing through my veins, the psyche of mankind has become poisoned by the venom of complacency.  Everybody knows what’s going on but no one is doing anything about it. 

“…stop, children, what’s that sound
Has anyone seen my iPod around?”

And I am just as complacent as the next person.  My only contribution to the “movement” is to observe and blog about it.  It may be something but it’s not much. 

That being said, Mr. Young did say something quite profound.  “I think the world today is a different place, and that it’s time for science and physics and spirituality to make a difference in this world and to try to save the planet.”

The world is different and it’s changing at an accelerated rate.  We need to let go of our old ideals and embrace new ones.  The money we gave to the US auto makers should have been allotted to developing electric cars.  Legalizing marijuana will stop the US/Mexico drug problems, ease up the overcrowded jails and make a profitable product.  Hemp is an amazing bi-product!  Solar panels, wind farms, recycling plants will ween us off oil and clear the air.  Just think, if the U.S. put as much money into making a more efficient solar collector instead of fighting a war on terror (how in the fuck do you fight a war on an emotion?!?), we’d create new jobs and a highly exportable product!  Educate kids on birth control, and not only will abortion rates drop, so will the amount of unwanted children being raised in fucked up situations where they grow up to be completely messed up adults that just reproduce and start the cycle all over again. 

Oh man, I could go on and on but I won’t.  I’m not saying that my rant is 100 percent accurate.  I’m not the expert.  But I do know one thing.  We all know it really…

This isn’t working.

For What It’s Worth
Buffalo Springfield
[audio:For_What_its_Worth.mp3]

Most all of where we live used to be ranching land that’s been sectioned off into parcels for home sale.  There is a little stretch on our street still used for grazing.  Yesterday on our way home from work, one of the cows got out and was wandering up and down the road.  There were a few big old trucks and weathered ranchers blocking the area trying to get the cow back into the field.  The poor thing was quite confused and all the other cows on the other side of the barbed-wire fence were running back and forth excitedly.

Have you ever seen a cow run?

There were two trucks on either side of the road driving up slowly and a man with a stick waving his arms wildly making noise to herd the cow back through the gate.  Up ahead were a few other trucks and what looked like a horse trailer parked off to the side with some other ranchers standing around blocking the area.

At one point a man on a four-wheel ATV drove through the center of the two slow moving trucks making it impossible for the cow to turn around.  All the other cows were getting worked up into a frenzy.  I swear it was like a scene from Babe.  In my head I could hear the other cows yelling, “Run back through the gate Mable! Run back over here!”

She must have heard them because she finally ran back through the gate into the field joining the other cows while a ranch hand shut the gate.  You could see the smiles on the rancher’s faces.  I was quite a scene.

The trucks cleared out of the way and Ray drove through, leading the line of cars that had backed up behind us.  That was our traffic jam on our evening commute.

I love living here.

Last night Ray and I drove up to our friend Terry’s place to attend her Full Moon Gathering.  There were several people we’d never met before as well as some friends we had not seen for quite some time.  

The wine was flowing and the food was cooking.  It was a really nice time and the moon was beautiful–one of those nights where I remember why I love Arizona.  It’s good to get out and do something mid-week.  Kinda breaks the monotony of the regular work week.  We were glad to be part of the celebration.  I just wished we could have stayed longer.  

I took my new camera and shot a gazillion photos.  Of course low lighting and movement were obstacles I had to work with.  I just hate using a flash!  

Here is a slide show:

You can go directly to my Flickr account to get high-rez photos by clicking here.

Last weekend, Ray and I did all sorts of yard work in preparation of Spring.  The Equinox is right around the corner and soon the days will be getting longer and warmer.

I can’t wait!

Part of prepping for the upcoming season involved looking after my fish pond.  I have seven goldfish.  The big guy in the middle of the photo, Gaston, was one of my first.  He must be at least seven years old.  The other fish at the lower left of the photo is also about the same age.  They made it through a few Chicago winters and a cross-country drive in a five gallon bucket.  All the others are new to me.  I got them last year at a local pond place. 

We got the fish pond cleaned up, the fountains going again and Ray trimmed back all the dead stuff from last year.  The best, best part is that we’ve had a steady drizzle all night long and the temp has been in the 70’s so in just a matter of days, things will be popping out all over. 

I have been thrown off my workout schedule a bit.  I’m not happy with what’s going on at the moment.  You see, I was told to not workout as frequently and eat, eat, eat in order to build.  Well, I’m eating more and lifting less frequently (with even more weight) and all I’m seeing is fat, fat, fat.  It’s not a lot of fat but it’s enough to be alarming.  The gain-fat to gain-muscle ratio is not working in my favor.  I’m one of those lucky people who gains weight in his neck first.  If I add a few pounds to my frame, I instantly start sporting a meat-beard on my already elongated oval Nordic face.   Not a pretty sight. 

The good thing is that I can lose the fat quickly with my high metabolism.  I think I’m just going to resign myself to the fact that I’m ectomorphic and will probably always have a lean, trim physique.  While I still enjoy a good workout, I’m just not bulking up.  At least I sleep better, I’m happy and my sex drive is at full steam (which is probably the last thing I need–especially now that Spring is coming).

I was just kind of hoping I would bulk up fast like Ray does.  

I have to hit the shower.  Going to work half day and then to Tucson for a follow-up with the skin cancer doc.

On Monday the temperature went up to 86 degrees and pretty much stayed there for a while after sunset.  It was the first day of the year that felt kind of summer-like.  In Chicago, we called this the Yes Day (except it didn’t occur until late May). 

The Yes Day is that first really warm day at the tail end of the winter where you open all the windows in the house, put on shorts and a t-shirt (if anything at all) and walk around saying,  “Yes…oh yes…mmmmmmm….yes.”

It felt so good!

I had flipped the solar heater on over the weekend and now the water temp is in the 70s.  It was originally about 55.  There is a good chance we may be in the pool by this Sunday.  

I need a warm weekend.  I’m still depressed about my friend Brooke–as evidenced by my lack of blogging.  

While I’m sad at the loss of my friend, I am reminded of my own mortality.  I am reminded that people just keel over and die without reason, without a chance to leave a forwarding address.  I wonder where they go.  Brooke, where are you?  It’s as if the Grim Reaper trailed his finger ever so slightly down my back leaving an icy reminder that I too will eventually die.

Not to worry about me though.  I am a man who came out the same year as AIDS and understand the process of sadness.  Belive you me, those of us who made it through the AIDS crisis know how to grieve.  What we don’t know is how to comprehend the idea of barebacking, PnP and HIV positive people who have the uncanny ability to casually ejaculate inside of another human being knowing full well that it will infect them…but I digress. 

I feel like when Brooke died, she took a little piece of me with her and it still hurts–but enough about that.  

The other fun thing going on is–well, this isn’t exactly fun–I’m having a little bit of a health scare (again!). 

Every year at work, they do free health screenings.  In October, I had my annual prostate cancer screening.  It involves a digital exam (digital as in finger–not pixels and contrary to popular belief, I don’t like having things stuck up my arse).  I also had a PSA blood test.  My PSA was right where it always is at around 2.  

A couple of weeks ago, as part of the free health screenings, they offered a blood draw to test for a number of things including PSA.  Everything checked out fine.  My HDL and LDL levels were all perfect however, something was way out of whack to the point of the lab calling me personally to encourage having it checked out right away.  My PSA was at 10.3.  

A jump from 2 to 10.3 in only four months is alarming.  It’s also unusual so I called my doctor and she sent me in for some blood work.  There are a number of things that can screw up a test (like a recent orgasm before the exam which is, in my case, highly probable) so I’m getting tested again.  

Prostate cancer scares me more than anything because I’m a sex machine.  I know, I know,  you’re laughing, but it’s true.  I have the libido of a stoned horny teenager.   I need my prostate!  I need my orgasms!

I think I’m getting dangerously close to the TMI factor.  

All that aside, I’m looking forward to this weekend.  It’s the fourth Saturday of the month and that means karaoke in Old Bisbee.  I can’t wait.  I need karaoke as much as I need my prostate…hmmmm, interesting visual.  

What shall I sing?

*UPDATE*
My doctor called.  My most recent PSA test read at 2.0.  Must have been a fluke with the other test.  All is well.