Insomnia

Hey everybody!  It’s 4 AM and I’m wide awake! 

What is it with me?  Actually, I know exactly what it is.  I think too much.  I have been told I suffer from clinical depression which is insane because I’m not depressed.  My mind just functions at warp speed.  I wake up in the middle of the night and the thoughts start rolling in.  That’s a common theme for creative types.  That’s why art is manifested.  We think too much and it gets to us.  Some more than others. 

It seems antidepressants are society’s answer to everything these days.  Everyone is walking around in a medicated fog.  I admit I’ve had bouts of taking mental meds.  One time in particular when life was all nutted up, my doctor recommended antidepressants.  I was worried about sexual side effects so my doc prescribed Remeron.  He said there were no sexual side effects but it may make me gain a little weight. 

Oh he was so cute. 

I packed on 20 pounds!  Remeron totally increased my appetite.  I couldn’t stop eating.  It also made me have to sleep at least 10 hours a night.  No insomnia there.  I was totally tired and fat, but man I was HAPPY!!

Then there was Wellbutrin which had the opposite effect.  I lost weight and was wired.  It almost made me lose my mind.  After about a year of Wellbutrin, I started having paranoid delusions.  I thought Ray was trying to poison me and felt like something bad was always about to happen.  These feelings were accompanied by freaky panic attacks that I had to keep locked up inside my head.  You can’t let people know the whole world is about to explode because they’d think you were crazy.  It was absolutely psychotic, but man. I was HAPPY!!

I don’t do antidepressants anymore.  That shit is nasty.  Ever since we got rid of the TV, started eating well and getting exercise, my depression stopped.  Oh sure, I have a few sleepless nights here and there and occasionally get a little whacked out emotionally but I’m not at all like I used to be.  I’m really quite well adjusted and happy.

Could you imagine if Vincent van Gogh were on antidepressants?  He might still have his ear but we wouldn’t have his art.  Mozart on Prozac?  I shudder to think. 

Hey world!  You want to feel better?  Get off your fat asses and go for a walk!  Turn off the TV and go outside.  Explore the produce section at the supermarket!  You’ll be glad you did.

I’m going back to bed…